THE DREAM I don't know if it was one long dream or a lot of little dreams, but last night, my first real boyfriend was with me in every one. In one dream/part, we were in a school gym. I think a basketball game was going on. I had to use the bathroom, so we went into the bathroom together. We left the door open so we could still see the game and I could see over the stall wall. I couldn't "go" for some reason. An old man and an old old woman came into the bathroom and they closed the door. They talked to us for a while but I can't remember what they said. I didn't seem to be embarrassed about sitting on the toilet the whole time. I finally went although I don't remember doing it. But I got up and the evidence was there. It was huge and I remember wondering how that came out of me. Lol

Then my old boyfriend and I were at his house. It was different than his real house. It looked old and neglected. His parents weren't around so we went to his room. I was lying on his bed, wishing he would make a move. But the longer I looked at him, the younger he got. So we just talked. He told me that he wanted to be a marine. We talked about all the physical things he would have to do to get through basic training. I mentioned push-ups, sit-ups and the hanging bar thing were your arms are curled and your chin is above the bar. I said the real name in the dream but I can't remember what it is now. He made the motion, pretended to be doing it, so I knew he knew what I was talking about. Then I think he went to exercise because I was alone in his room. I started looking around and I found some of my old school reports. (Some I remember actually writing!) I didn't know if I had given them to him or if he took them, but after a few minutes, I was all right with him having them. I went into the living room/dining room. His parents and grandma were sitting at a table. I went to kiss his grandma good-bye and she moved away from me. Said that if I kissed her, it would hurt her face. So I went to just hug her and she said a hug would hurt her shoulders. Then a car pulled into the driveway really fast and the table they were sitting at was now in the drive way, and the car pinned the grandma in her chair against the table. I asked her if it hurt and she said yeah. The car backed up, the grandma got up, and a lady got out of the car. I don't remember much about her. I walked away. The step-dad reached down into a hole in the pavement and pulled out a lady's knee-high or thigh-high stocking. It had either two potatoes or two onions in it. I couldn't tell which, but he was going to put them in some stew. I walked through the house and heard the step dad tell the little brother to stop watching TV and to go outside and play. TV was ruining his eyes and costing them too much money for glasses.

Then I was outside and my family was sitting around another table in another driveway. My old boyfriend was sitting on someone's lap. I think it was my older brother's. They were all playing a card game. I don't know what kind. My sister asked for two more cards but she didn't discard any. My old boyfriend was holding his cards backward so that everyone could see them. I told him that, so he turned them around and then my brother could see them. I kept wondering why he was sitting on my brothers lap. He was a teenage boy, not a child. But he seemed to be having fun, so I didn't say anything. I just stood there smiling, watching him play and laugh and then I woke up.

THE REALITY The evening before the dream the dreamer spoke about this first boyfriend to her daughter. She was talking about her early boyfriends. They averaged one per year except for this boyfriend who lasted two years. This was a subject which is sensitive for the dreamer since her first love killed himself. She ended the relationship because of peer pressure - he did not have much money and some people thought he was a geek. The suicide of her first boyfriend maybe contributed to a period of severe depression that she suffered.

DREAM ANALYSIS If we talk about something that happened some years ago then we may start to open up old feelings. The dream may deal with how we are starting to dig up old issues. It starts off as a toilet dream - toilets often show us feeling extreme moments of pain. In the dream the dreamer could not go even though she was sat on the toilet. That perhaps captures the moment in reality. In real life she was talking to her daughter about an issue which was painful. Yet she could not really show her frustration and pain because she was talking only about the sanitized version of this issue. She was having to tone down the subject which dealt with a lot of painful memories.

Old people in dreams often link to the passage of time and so this dream symbolises the passage of time and how the dreamer is reflecting over the issue.

Perhaps the school reports are symbols of how well she performed or how badly she performed. In real life she perhaps made a major mistake in dumping her first boyfriend and is perhaps ashamed of submitting to peer pressure. Its easy in hindsight to criticize yourself if you treat someone badly and they subsequently commit suicide.

Brothers are symbols of strong support. So perhaps this dream links to the dreamer wondering what would have happened if she had supported him more and not casually dumped him. The cards also fit in with this interpretation as they are a symbol of chance. They show the dreamer wondering what would have happened if the cards had fallen differently and she had acted in a different way.

The dream may also have dealt with the precise way that he died. He shot himself but some say it was an accident. Indeed the dream focused on how he was not a child(so why was he sitting like a child on my brothers knee). That perhaps symbolises how he had the choice to act and was not a child. Even if the dreamer had tried to support him more life is not like that. People make choices and teenage boys will clearly reject help for emotional support.

Symbolic Meanings
BATHROOM : "feelings of shame - admitting your errors - the dreamer is thinking about her own errors and bad feelings in this first love affair"
BED : "a very personal symbol - having to talk about personal matters to her daughter "
CARDS : "the hand that is dealt to you - your opportunities - here she is maybe exploring what may have happened if things had been different"
SISTER : "think openly and freely on a subject - exploring your emotions in an open and honest way - the talk with her daughter opened up some long forgotten emotions "

DREAM MEANING The dream captures the following feeling within the dreamer - "I was talking about my first boyfriend to my daughter yesterday. I had to sanitize the story because he ended up killing himself. I think the dream also opened up some old feelings."

See how the Symbolic meanings weave together to form a key insight