THE DREAM I am at a neighboring police department for some sort of job interview. I am wearing a skirt and a top. For what ever reason, I am to go on patrol as apart of the interview, but must go home to change into something more appropriate. They are not angry with me for not being prepared, and very accommodating to help me get home to change. So, after some searching through the closet, I find an appropriate outfit in black to wear for patrol. Next I am at my police department talking to a former sergeant of mine. She has her weapon out sitting on the counter next to her. I look at the weapon and then I look at her face. I gently touch her face and look into her eyes. She seems confused by this. I then reach down and pick up her fire arm while she is looking away. I then walk to the vehicle I was driving, evidently it is my personal vehicle. My former supervisor is speaking with another female, I recognize her but cannot place her. I then look down at the weapon and place it against my forehead. I can feel the cold steel pressing against my skin just above my hairline. I then take both hands and begin to squeeze the trigger. There are 15 bullets in a magazine and one in the chamber. I squeeze off all 16 bullets into my head. I feel them entering my head, but it doesn't hurt. I look around and see my supervisor has discovered her weapon is missing and assumes I took it, but she and the other girl do not realize I have already shot myself. I then look into the rear view mirror at my fresh wounds, I see the holes in my skull through the hair on my head, they look small and wet, but no blood is pouring out. I sit back and seem to wait for death to take me. But all I am feeling is kind of woozy and light headed. Like when you are in bed about to fall asleep. My supervisor and the other woman approach the car, so I start it and drive off. I am not sure where it is I end up, but next thing I know I am stopped. Another female supervisor, this time a captain approaches me. Still not knowing that I have actually shot myself. She is saying that she knows that I don't want to find another job. That she understands me being depressed. I start to cry. And say to her, "you actually think trying to talk to me about being depressed is going to help?" implying that because we were both police officers, we both have had the same training in dealing with suicidal people. And nothing she was saying to me would have any affect on me. For what ever reason, I set the weapon down next to me. The woman, whom I don't recall who she is but is familiar, is next to me *(I believe she is someone from a job in the past, but no one I was very close with) she reaches down and picks up the weapon and tells the captain that it is empty. Still no one realizes that I have shot myself, and I am still seemingly waiting for death to take me away from all of this, but it is not coming. The captain is assuming the bullets are in my vehicle and seems relieved that I have not used them. I cant understand why no one is seeing what I've done, but also relieved that no one is trying to help me by making a bigger scene about it. But it also seems that I am wary that there is as much attention as there is because if for what ever reason death doesn't come to take me, I still have to try to get another job, and I know this will make it impossible to do, because of the psychological aspect of it. Then I wake up, crying.

THE REALITY The dreamer had been a police officer for the previous three years but had recently been laid off. She had been extremely depressed and had even thought of ending her own life because of this.

DREAM INTERPRETATION Clothes in dream are strong symbols. They are clues to how the world sees us and how we are behaving. So if the dreamer is wearing police clothes then she is very much still a policewoman in her own mind. Being a cop is very much a state of mind. You are sending out signals of authority and trying to diffuse difficult situations. So her job still occupies her mind. She wakes up and wishes to do her job. So this dream is therefore about her failure to adapt to life outside the police force.

The dream also involves the dreamers supervisor. This is very much a symbol of how the dreamer is managing and supervising her own adaptation to life outside the force.

The dream also involves this very vivid suicide. This is probably not a premonition. It simply reflects the day to day issues and the dreamers state of mind. Just because someone feels suicidal it does not mean that they are actually suicidal.

Perhaps there is also a recognition of the dreamer of her own feelings. That is combined with her own training and knowledge of such conditions. Her job has taught her about people who are feeling very low. She knows that talking through issues while in such a state will not do much good. She realises that therefore she has just got to get through that period and hope that things will get better.

Also important and in her mind maybe a wish to carry on in her chosen career. In order to do that she must be careful not to seek psychiatric help as that would affect her medical records and so reduce the chances of landing a new position.

Symbolic Meanings
CAPTAIN : "the ideas that are in charge of your personality"
UNIFORM : "still thinking and feeling like a cop and wanting to be one"

DREAM MEANING The dream captures the following feeling within the dreamer - "I was recently made redundant as a police officer. I really want to find another job in the police department. I loved the job and still think like a policewoman"

See how the symbolic meanings show the dreamers state of mind - she was still a policewoman at heart.