THE DREAM It is night time and I am at a church- but I am in some waiting area with lots of people all around me, everyone is excited and nervous as well, I am excited and nervous also- but differently then everyone else. I am in a wedding gown. I tell my Mom and Dad I don't know if he will come- and I imagine in my dream of my now ex husband pacing back and forth in a very well lit up house-what use to be our house I understand (though it actually looks nothing like it). I can see him all dressed in his tux, tan, and pacing talking to the air. Then I hear one of my parents say something like well we were told to make room for guests - and in my dream I couldn't figure out if that meant make room for me because he wasn't coming or make room for his room mate (brothers) because he was coming. Everyone was so excited they were smiling and seemed so happy for me it was like they were relieved and expected this. In this dimly lit room I felt comfortable on the outside- and I was hopeful, but inside I was hopeful but my internal dialogue was telling me I didn't deserve him, and how could I expect him to come, it had been too many years and why would I think I had any right, but I wanted him to come, and then I thought about why I had left - and I couldn't remember exactly- and then I started feeling very very depressed. Then it came to me like a sudden thing- Oh my God maybe no one remembered to tell him that I wanted him to come and marry me that night- I was so panicked I could feel it. Somehow someone seemed to say no he knows. Then I was looking out the window- there was a street lamp shining down- I saw him walk by it was unmistakably him, but I couldn't see him really- he was carrying flowers- big beautiful bouquet and was dressed in a white button down shirt- not a tux. I noticed it in my dream, but I switched my mind to thinking about us sitting in the very lit up house- I was catching up with him- what would we talk about, even if we were married would we like each other any more and could we stay married. But the nagging idea that he wasn't in a tux kept coming back to me and I imagined in my dream all the scenarios- maybe it was because he hadn't had enough time and just put on the best outfit he had, maybe he was bringing me the flowers as my wedding flowers and I imagined walking down the isle and him handing them to me and smiling, but then I imagined him setting the flowers at the foot of the door of the church- and I was so sad- I woke up and was crying and felt so depressed, but I wanted to stay asleep I wanted to know how the dream would end, I wanted to see Tom. But I was awake and it was 3am-- all these feeling of guilt and self-hatred seemed to rain in on me- and one side of me was thinking how ridiculous this was to be crying about this 8 years after my divorce. I cried for awhile and then kept bringing up memories of things I had done that I knew hurt him- like changing from a very loving and stable steady person to a suddenly cold and unpredictable distant immature person.

When I fell back asleep I had a horrible dream- but I can't seem to remember it as well. I know there was a guy who broke into a party I was having and who tried to rape me but I beat him off and ran and ran and he followed me. He said don't worry I know where you live, but I knew he didn't. He was a very good looking young kid- but I was the same age as he was. There was a dog that came crashing into the very dark party as well and it seemed rabid but purposeful growling and looking for something- I can"t remember what happened to it. After the party I left to walk home- I was by myself as I seemed to always be I said to myself. When a edorado cream colored Cadillac drove by and he was in it- I heard him say to his passenger, that's her! It kept going so I ran as fast as I could and took side streets, but he came up behind me and parked his car and chased me- there is more to this dream, but I just can't remember it now. I woke up and feel extremely sad.

THE REALITY The dreamer had been in a rather crazy and rocky relationship with manic ups and downs for about a year. Part of her wanted to believe that he is the right guy and that they will live happily ever after. Part of her believes he is not the right guy because the problems he has he will never conquer and she refuses to have kids with him. Over the previous weekend they went on a road trip where every night was a mess with too much drinking and arguing between them.

The dreamer did receive an email 2 days previously from a man she met a while back that she really felt a connection with but he left after one magical night to go back to doing his adventure tours. His email asked her to come to Switzerland. She didn't respond to the email because she is in a relationship. But the truth is that if she were not in a relationship she would hop on a plane in a minute.

DREAM ANALYSIS Dreams are often about real life events from the here and now and yet they may confuse us by featuring people we have not seen for ages and situations which seem so bizarre. yet dreams do relate to the immediate emotions that we are going through.

In this dream there is lots of recent events to race through the mind of the dreamer. She is in a relationship that at time appears to be going nowhere. But the real thing that has sparked her fantasies and thoughts recently was the email from this man that she met and made an immediate connection with a couple of years back.

Dreams feature the current emotional mindset that the dreamer is in. It will often mash the emotions together in unusual ways and feature a story that makes no sense. But its often best to concentrate on the emotions and feel of a dream. Here there are two sets of emotions that spring to light. The great sense of excitement and the terrible depression afterwards. That captures the dreamers current mindset. She is full of great excitement about this email. She already made the decision not to respond this email. But the previous great connection between herself and this guy ignited the dreamers fantasies. She was unable to get him out of her head.

The depression in the dream, probably relates to the dreamers other reaction. The self denial. She is committed to her relationship and in being so committed she had to deny herself the good time and prospect of great adventures.

Dreams are very much about the feelings in our head. The mixed and conflicting feelings. Her rational mind was emphasizing the need to do the right thing. Yet her deep subconscious was deeply regretting this decision.

The dream featured her ex husband. She married him and left him after only a year. She remembered how he was deeply upset by this. The dream is not about him but maybe returns to the sorts of emotions that she felt then. A romance that seemed so perfect and yet ended so badly. A man that she loved and then hurt quite badly. These are themes that are common in the failed marriage and are now racing through her head now. The dream then is about the difficult decisions that we have to make and the thoughts of what may have been.

Symbolic Meanings
EXCITEMENT : "excitement - getting excited and fantasizing about the email she received"
RAPE : "Often when we start fantasizing our minds start racing. One minute we are happy and the next we feel self loathing and negativity. The dream merely follows this same pattern."
SCENARIOS : "The dream mimics real life where the dreamer is imagining scenarios about how things could turn out if she did pursue the relationship with this guy who emailed her"
WEDDING : "The wedding probably represents the great sense of romance and excitement about this guy who emailed her"

DREAM MEANING The dream captures the following feeling within the dreamer - "I got an email from this guy I met a little while back asking me to come to Switzerland. I am in a relationship so have not responded but my mind has been full of fantasies about what might have been. I had a great connection with this guy and my mind has been racing round the thoughts. "

See how the Symbolic Meanings above weave together to form a key insight in the DREAM MEANING